So, basically there is this boy.... He is really attracted to me in ways that I can not even explain, but here's the thing. He spilled all of these locked down bubbling feelings on me this year, and honestly I was in complete shock. I mean seriously, I never knew someone could like me so much, but I keep blowing him off because I am all the way scared to pursue any kind of relationship with him. After we somewhat Dtr'd I feel like we were both on the same page as being friends, but then a whole feeling bomb just blew up in our faces. Which wasn't bad, because it really made me think maybe I should take a chance and stop beating around the bush and just date him. I mean their was a lot of clarity that came into tuition and it really made me think, maybe I should stop being scared and seriously take a chance. I mean, honestly I do have feelings for him but not on the same accord on what he has for me. I'm just scared that I may fall out with him, because I don't feel as hard for him as he does for me. Like I said, I have never had someone to like me as much as he does and it gets straight weird sometimes when people come up to me and tell me how much he cares about me and how much he likes me. I mean he even told someone he was super close to giving up, but they told him to keep pursuing me. That really made me feel some kind of way, I mean he's really fighting for me and i'm just trying to find a way to really appreciate him. Being in a relationship is by far not an easy thing, then his family is partially crazy, and I definitely don't want to deal with them and I really don't want my dad to deal with them, that would be absolutely terrible in many ways. Crazy and super crazy definitely does not match. I feel that maybe I should talk to him, but there is honestly no privacy anywhere nowhere is private. Then on top of that he has a motor mouth, he tells everyone everything, and i'm more of a private person. It gets on my nerves when someone comes to me with something he has said, and in my mind i'm just like i'm done with him. Or even when I get upset when people keep trying to fizzle in our relationship status I turn out to be the bad guy and that does get overly annoying. Sometimes I just feel like i'm fighting a losing battle and I don't know how to win sometimes. Some days I like him, and some days he just gives me 101 reasons not too. People have been telling me to go with my heart, and honestly I don't even know what my heart wants. I like him, but i'm not crazy about him if that makes sense. I was tired of people trying to interfere and put their grimy hands in things, and it was so annoying at times. Now, I just feel like I should pray about it, but at that the same time I feel like every time someone said something to me it was confirming what God wanted to do in my life. Honestly, just confirmations to go forward with the dating process. Then DING... that's where the scared factor comes in like a swift wind. I mean he's a singer and he travels all the time, and when he goes away or gone for a long time I can't help but to think that he is out sleeping around with some midnight hoocher. And it bothers me to think those things, because he's not mine so why should I care. But I do. Or I even get kind of jealous sometimes when he starts mentioning other girls. But I had someone to tell me "Don't let a good thing go to waste." This really made me think a lot. I mean he's honestly waiting for me to do something, being that he did come to me first and he did pursue me first because trust me I was not looking. So the cards are all on my deck now, and I think I'm going to go for it. I'll never know,unless I try. I think it's time.

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